“Oh, Sh*t!”
For several years, I played the lead clown/character role of The Skywatcher in Cirque du Soleil’s touring show, ‘Varekai’. It took 2 hours for me to apply this detailed makeup … lipstick included!
After the marathon makeup session I’d head for the kitchen on site to enjoy a pre-show meal of fine cuisine, freshly prepared by the excellent chefs that tour with the show. It’s there that I discovered through trial and error… mostly error… that many food items can easily ruin my lengthy makeup job quicker than I can say, “Oh, Sh*t!”
So, to save face…pun intended…I had to quickly master the manly art of eating while wearing lipstick, something they didn’t teach us in boy scouts. I eventually realized that if I just handled my fork and food adeptly, I could fill my pie-hole until the cows come home while leaving my lipstick intact and show ready.
The trick, gentlemen, is so simple! Keeping your exquisite lips up and out and off of the fork, daintily bite down behind the food. Then, glide the fork straight back and out of your gobblepocket, dragging the food off of the tynes with your teeth. And, don’t forget to return your lips to neutral and close your mouth when you chew, or you’ll just look like an idiot, or a pig…or both!
Always be mindful of the foods to avoid if you want to keep your dazzling lips ship shape. Stringy, floppy foods like spaghetti, chow mien and chicken noodle soup are absolute no-no’s. As are sloppy & saucey offerings like spareribs, buffalo wings, corn on the cob, watermelon and chocolate pudding. Remember…grease on makeup is ‘Satan’s eraser’! Patching up is simply out of the question and you’ll just have to start your application all over again! As many of you men already know, it isn’t as easy as pie to accomplish a clean, symmetrical lip line, so why risk destroying one?
And that, my Lords, is the manly art of eating while wearing lipstick! Now, would you please pass me my coffee mug? Yes…it’s the one with the lipstick! Hmmm, looks like I may need to do a light touch up after all…oh well, at least my lip line is still spotless!